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Hiraeth

by Mailto

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1.
Sawed Into Thirds 03:45
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[Verse] It's okay to be lost, the world keeps spinning and I can't keep track of who has my back I saw myself into thirds to be someone I could never be, it's just not in me [Chorus] Take your mask off no-ones home Take your mask off no-ones home But me But me (x2) [Outro] Take your mask off This is not who you want to be (x2)
2.
Royal Ocean 04:07
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[Chorus] And I don't know where you can find me I'm still stuck in here And I don't know where you can find me I can't find the air [Verse] People fall apart in the movies People fall apart in the movies People fall apart in the movies People fall apart in the movies [Chorus] And I don't know where you can find me I'm still stuck in here And I don't know where you can find me I can't find the air [Breakdown] Extreme fear of the failure to find myself Relying on anthropomorphism to hide from my anxieties of existing in the world An unease at accepting the words to describe my being Stuck in the state of transformation between what is and what was A complete disconnect from my idea of self and physical manifestation Difficulty completing my goals past the given expectations All the concepts and phrases I can apply to myself, nothing will remain when my realizations realign my being [Verse] People fall apart in the movies People fall apart in the movies People fall apart in the movies People fall apart in the movies People fall apart in the movies
3.
A Hole Exactly Four Inches Deep Containing The Locket My Mother Wore 03:43
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[Chorus] Oh tell me I'm not the one that's one that's hurting you Please tell me I'm not the one that's one that's hurting you (x2) [Bridge] Doo doo doododod odoooddo I say doo a lot [Chorus] Oh tell me I'm not the one that's one that's hurting you Please tell me I'm not the one that's one that's hurting you (x2) [Breakdown] My eyes close as the screen fades to black Fingers slide against fragmented glass I thought you would know you can't Walk past a pain like this
4.
If I Apologize Enough, The World Will Sink Into The Sea 04:57
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[Verse] The dust is building up around me, And I can't bring myself to move it from the way it was. Another bottle of pills won't change the way I feel. Not tonight, the stage is set, across the moonlight. And I thought I'd get to feel the sun, on my skin, next to yours, but I won't. [Chorus] Anymore (x8) And I won't stop, feeling like I'm a rock, traveling at the speed of light. And I for once, can feel okay again. [Outro] And I can't find out where you want to be, for me. No matter how I try, it seems that I'll just keep searching.
5.
By "razor-thin" Margins 04:25
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[Verse] It seems the ones I love, are growing, moving towards a better place, yet here I stay (x2) [Interlude] In times of self-reflection, I can't help but pinpoint the times I've failed to meet my own expectations. Even the smallest of goals are a challenge, it seems as if the act of finding possibilities of success is where my problem lays. But despite every error I've made, and every person I've hurt, it's up to me and me alone to move forward. The pain of trying to fit, myself into the person I want to be, is only matched by the relief that flows through my veins, when I realize: [Breakdown] It's my life It's my life [Verse] It seems the ones I love, are growing, moving towards a better place, yet here I stay [Chorus] I found it when I looked through, my heart and knew I took too, long well it seems that, I guess we'll never know (x2) (My paws, around your, face and, you're cold) It's my life (x4) [Interlude] The pain of trying to fit, myself into the person I want to be, is only matched by the relief that flows through my veins, when I realize: [Breakdown] It's my life (x5) [Chorus] I found it when I looked through, my heart and knew I took too, long well it seems that, I guess we'll never know
6.
Illusion of Safety 03:59
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[Chorus] Just because you have the illusion of, safety does not mean you're safe to run Prying eyes and nods all behind closed doors I think today you may seem to find Another sense of danger behind the lies You're gonna gonna gonna not be alright It seems so obvious And I find it obvious [Verse 1] I don't think you know how I detest you While you stare outside of your fucking test tube You are not safe You are not safe Bitch you know you are soft Yeah you know your aim is off, ayy You never leave your room Sucks you fell off so soon Take it from me I'm your head rent free This is my year, bitch, get out the way I gotta say, I'm gettin wins for the gays, Yeah fuck you dude not today [Bridge] Another day, another time, another way to say goodbye (12x) I always thought The most beautiful time of day The sun melts into the river Now (x2) [Chorus] Just because you have the illusion of, safety does not mean you're safe to run Prying eyes and nods all behind closed doors I think today you may seem to find Another sense of danger behind the lies You're gonna gonna gonna not be alright It seems so obvious And I find it obvious [Verse] Everybody wanna be a rebel 'til they take a hit And get so disheveled Nah I take a hit and I get up I'm not gotta fix my makeup I do not care what you think I wear my fursuit all mink You write your shit off rhymezone I'm thinkin different, no iPhone [Bridge] Another day, another time, another way to say goodbye (4x)
7.
I Think You're Bleeding 07:08
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[Verse 1] You got this all wrong You got this all wrong This is a declaration To everyone in my mind who disappeared after the day I met them The air is trapped in the moment you said you would see me again But you never would And don't you say You know you're a figment of my mind that's true [Bridge] I know every time that I know every time that Frozen skyline today one time I know every time that I know every time that Frozen skyline today one time [Chorus] My attire's seen the season Now tonight I think you're bleeding friend, my friend My attire's seen the season Now tonight I think you're bleeding friend, my friend [Verse 1] You got this all wrong You got this all wrong This is a declaration To everyone in my mind who disappeared after the day I met them The air is trapped in the moment you said you would see me again But you never would [Verse 2] This is my declaration I fucking wrote and staged it Was six or seven days in Thought maybe I'm fucking crazy Thought maybe it's fucking hazy I never even knew you It shouldn't even matter So why do I see right through you Floating through you What could you mean? This ain't for you What could you mean? Floating through you What could you mean? This ain't for you What could you mean? [Bridge] Frozen skyline today one time Frozen skyline today one time [Verse 2] This is my declaration I fucking wrote and staged it Was six or seven days in Thought maybe I'm fucking crazy Thought maybe it's fucking hazy I never even knew you It shouldn't even matter So why do I see right through you Floating through you What could you mean? This ain't for you What could you mean? Floating through you What could you mean? This ain't for you What could you mean? [Bridge] I know every time that I know every time that Frozen skyline today one time I know every time that I know every time that Frozen skyline today one time [Chorus] My attire's seen the season Now tonight I think you're bleeding friend, my friend My attire's seen the season Now tonight I think you're bleeding friend, my friend [Breakdown] And I sincerely hope you the best life.. But it sure is fun to scream about it! If I see you again I hope to give a hug
8.
Hiraeth 04:05
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Intro: The sun, oh it's burning It's ripping through Us all tonight Immaterial, it's not all right here Verse 1: You wanted it all and you had it Your 15 minutes go straight into static You flew too close to the sun tonight I can see your hiraeth a mile away Is all of this just a joke to you You'd never know what it meant until it's gone too soon I can see your soul, you're just a broken mess What if I told you your life was just a fuckin' test For people more observant to follow your step I know you know the rest, oh you know the rest Verse 2: I thought this was the part I'd think about my life I guess when I'm here, I'm just obsessed with the strife It just infects my mind, I guess it never leaves It's in the back of my head, whatever I achieve The afterimage of everything I made for you It's time to burn it out, I guess I know the truth It doesn't hurt any less, but at least I know My hiraeth of us, it isn't just for show Bridge: You go away and I know I won't feel Like this forever Chorus: Your miserable façade won't last much longer This is just a cloud in skies of many more You and I saw You and I saw You and I saw My empire fall before our eyes
9.
Only A Moment Until- 04:50
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[Verse] I walk, as the sun is beaming down To a tree extending branches full of sap and blooming flowers It's all I ever asked But its everything I always wanted Just the pieces rearranged Small cracks filled in with epoxy its only a moment until-

about

I started making this album at one of the darkest points of my life. Halfway through its creation, the experiences and memories I wrote about occurred again, a mirror image in reality to the thoughts I couldn't get out of my head while writing this. Hiraeth is an album about a story bifurcated, a moment becoming a pattern and a pattern ruling my mind. I began writing when I was 17, and ended closely after my 19th birthday. Hiraeth is a welsh word with many meanings, none of which easily translatable into English, but vaguely meaning "a homesickness for a home you cannot return to, or that never was." Laying in bed, after two of the communities I cherished most were destroyed, due in no small part to my own actions, I felt a connection to this idea unlike I had in a very long time.

This is an album about connection, loss, betrayal, innocence, immaturity, and most of all, grief. In December of 2020, I wrote 7 30 second demos in a burst of creativity that I had not felt before or since, and all of which I slowly tooled into tracks 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, and 9. This album, so grounded in these themes was the first time I had been able to put every idea I had into sound flawlessly. I wrote so many of these songs in a place of pure distress and unwellness, but as I came closer to finishing, it became harder to maintain the themes of nearly pure desperation I entered with.

I realized I had started becoming happy. That I was moving on, and that this was a step in my life that I had already moved past. When the second community crumbled, I was more distraught than before. I added new songs, and sunk deeper into a pit of self-hatred and isolation to finish this project. But joy prevailed. There are two moments a metronome is used on this album. "If I Apologize", the first song finished after the second community crumbled, and "Only A Moment", the first song finished after I realized I was okay. I look back, and realize as well as these themes, Hiraeth is an album about perseverance. An album about pulling through the hardest parts of my childhood and coming out the other side happy. Hiraeth is an album about love. I hope you find that as well.

-Asher / Mailto / Cass

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released June 23, 2022

All music, singing, writing, mixing, and mastering by Mailto.

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Mailto Nashville, Tennessee

Hey, I'm Asher, or Mailto. I make music I guess. I like pretending to be a human on the internet. When I turn off the computer I leave and go be a coyote in the wild. The life.

2017-20XX

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